I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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