One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize