He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
