He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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