i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
