I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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