Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
