The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
