I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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