if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My balls are so social today.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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