The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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