I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
