Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
That reminds me...we need to get swords
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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