Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
