trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
