Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
