The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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