Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
