Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
