I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
