on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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