What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
