i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
