he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
