I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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