dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
