dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
