when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
