i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
