You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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