how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
