UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
