I heard we made out
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize