We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Randomize
