what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
