This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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