I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize