im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
