The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
