I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
