I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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