wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
