OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
