Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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