i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
