My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
