no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
