He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
