Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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