Farmville is her only friend.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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