Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
