they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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