I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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