just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
two words: eviction party
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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