why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
