the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
