you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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