In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
