Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
