sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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