Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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