P.S. I can't hear my feet
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
