I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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