3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
