I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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