vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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