you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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