there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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