so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
