My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Randomize
