tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
