i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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