from now on my penis is your penis
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
