well I can't set my house on fire every night
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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