I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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