oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
