He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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