guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize