do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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