What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
