it hurts more in the daytime
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
