Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
