eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
