I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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