Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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