I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She told me I should be a condom model.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
